Discover the 3 most effective steps to not only overcome your conflicts, but even better, to avoid them happening again.
When we have problems, if we don’t guide our mind, most probably we don’t see the light so easy, or even make it worse with our inner dialog. So please pay attention to the following steps and change the game to be successful.
Step 1 – Gratitude; Be grateful for your problem. Why on earth should you thank your problems? I know this could sound a bit crazy to you. But remember that a experience that causes you frustration, fear, pain or anger is a chance for personal development. And by thanking it, you will be closer to whatever you could learn, forgive, change or solve.
To understand this step, I give you an example of the opposite situation, what you are not supposed to do. Imagine that you are fired and then feel like a victim, complaining about it and think that life is unfair and there is no solution. By this kind of thoughts, you would be avoiding a positive result. It could be that you find a better job, more aligned with your personality and qualifications, with better conditions and allowing you to grow faster and be happier. In a victim’s position, you wouldn’t probably have focused on taking the development opportunity.
Step 2 – Learning; there are scientific experiments that proof with more than 90% probability that we are here in this world with a purpose of LEARNING something. For this purpose, I suggest the following effective exercise: Imagine for a moment that before you were born, you decided to come to this life to learn specific things. You decided what experiences you were going to live for your learning process. You also decided who was going to be involved in those situations and what role they were going to have in your life. And moreover, if you didn’t learn your purpose with the first experience, you chose what similar experiences you were going to have again and again until you understand the purpose of learning or maybe decide to come back in another life. Now think or write in this assumed situation, why did you choose to live this experience. What did you need to learn from it? If you cannot come up with any idea, just wonder it, because the simply willingness to learn will make you understand more and more.
For example, if the problem is that you don’t find the partner for your life. Here the learning could be one of the followings:
- To detect any subconscious belief from your family or from yourself that could be limiting you. For example: “Relations bring many problems so you better avoid them” or “If you have a partner you won’t be able to make progress in your business”.
- Learn to LOVE you more. A lack of love could start in your own lack of love.
- To know who YOU are and what do you want, not fixing to a result or toa partner to be happy. The necessity itself is a message of scarcity. You don’t need a partner to be YOU, instead you choose a partner to share who you both are.
Step 3 – Changes; Write what actions are you going to do and what changes are you going to apply… and meet them!
Changes are essential not to repeat similar experiences. As Einstein already said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”.
Remember that even a problem that seems to come from an external situation or person, if it makes you feel a negative emotion, it is a problem inside you that you are projecting in that situation or person. Whatever you don’t like and makes you feel bad, is something that you reject from yourself. There are two possibilities. Maybe you are equal in that or other areas, or maybe you have an excess in opposition. Therefore, if you find a middle point it will help you to avoid frustration.
For example, we normally find somebody with any kind of abusive behaviour behind somebody with an excess of dependence. They are two sides of the same conflict, the lack of self-esteem. In this case, the person who abuses and the person who has an excess of dependence need each other to find a balance. Each opposite could learn from the experience from the inside. Why do I need to abuse? Or why do I need to be dependent of somebody? This way each person could face his own fears or lack of self-esteem to find his own balance. To solve your conflict you need your own change, you are never totally right, you are projecting your beliefs. If for example, the person with an excess of dependency decides to leave and separate from the person who has an abusive behaviour, but doesn’t change and continue depending from something external, she or he could have similar situations in the future again and again until learning the lesson and change.
Please remember to listen to your body! Emotions are part of the communication!
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